I've talked about disordered eating before here and on my Instagram page (@foodhealthrd), but I realized I have really only mentioned it in passing, so I want to go into more depth on the subject. According to an article from AND, disordered eating is "a range of irregular eating behaviors that may or may not warrant a diagnosis of a specific eating disorder." You may be familiar with eating disorders like anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa or binge eating disorder. However, disordered eating and eating disorders are not one and the same (although, many eating disorders began with disordered eating habits).
A person with disordered eating may have any of the following signs or symptoms:
on and off dieting and subsequent weight fluctuations
routines surrounding eating and exercise
guilt and shame around food
obsession, stress, and worry about food, weight, body image and exercise
feeling out of control around certain foods
engaging in activities like over-exercising, restricting food or even purging to offset eating "bad" food
A person would most likely not realize he or she were engaging in disordered eating habits for some time since we have been led to believe that doing things like counting calories or macros, ignoring hunger cues, skipping mealtimes and stepping on the scale are good, healthy habits. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Engaging in such habits could actually be quite harmful to a person's physical, mental and emotional health. This may be hard to read or understand because we have been told for years that dieting is good and that we have to do things like restrict food and exercise a ton in order to be beautiful and happy. The people or companies that have been telling you such things most likely have themselves in mind and are hoping that your dislike and distrust of your own body leads to you purchasing the latest diet trend they came up with.
My disordered eating evolved slowly. I began dieting in high school. My earliest memory of this is drinking Slim Fast for breakfast or skipping breakfast all together. Then, in college, I tried more structured and restrictive diets like Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, the military diet (insane), and more. I also tried doing things on my own such as cutting out carbs, only eating salads, and cutting out snacks completely. I even dabbled in laxatives and purging a couple of times...not my proudest moments. I lost about 20 pounds during my senior year of college doing Nutrisystem. I remember all of the compliments I received about my new body. It felt great to hear such things and I admit I felt more confident than ever before, but I wanted more. I wanted to be even thinner simply because I thought being as thin as possible was equal to being as happy as possible. I think my disordered eating habits really kicked in when I moved to Chicago when I was 22. I got really into running during this time and also walked everywhere because I didn't have a car. Due to my beliefs about and habits I had formed from years of dieting already, I was definitely not eating the calories I needed to keep up with my new very active lifestyle. I never missed a run. I counted all of my calories. I portioned out all of my food. Nine times out of ten I turned down social invitations because I thought these would de-rail my diet. My stomach was growling almost every night when I went to bed, but I ignored it. I would step on the scale most mornings and decide how much I was allowed to eat that day based on the number I saw. I was the thinnest I had ever been during this time and I liked my body more than ever, but it was still not perfect. I ignored all of the signs that I was doing something wrong, like the constant lightheadedness, the changes in my GI tract, the hair loss, the loss of my period, the muscle cramps, the anxiety around food, and the constant meticulous planning around my next meal. I carried a small notebook around with me where I would log every food I ate, the calorie counts for those foods, and every mile I ran. I would smile when my projected calories burned outweighed my calories consumed for the day and would think I had succeeded. Often times I would wake up in the middle of the night with my stomach growling and I thought that was a good thing because I was once told that hunger pains mean you're doing something right. Looking back, I can now see all of the red flags and all of the ways I was harming my body physically, emotionally and mentally.
Disordered eating and eating disorders evolve differently for everyone. As you can now see, mine happened after years of dieting and that is pretty common. Dieting is disordered eating. Diets will have you write down everything you eat or think about every little thing you put in your body and this can easily transition into an obsession with food. This obsession will cause you to feel like a failure any time you eat something your diet tells you not to or any time you don't have time to exercise. If disordered eating habits persist, they could easily turn into a full-fledged eating disorder like anorexia nervosa (AN) or bulimia nervosa (BN). AN is an extreme restriction and elimination of food, or a refusal to eat all together. BN is purging after eating a large quantity of food. These are very serious mental health illnesses that typically require medical intervention in order to be reversed.
A person with disordered eating habits would also have body image concerns, as the main reason a person diets is to lose weight because they think they are overweight or don't like the way their body looks. Women especially are told from a young age that we should look a certain way, and that way is thin. We see these beautiful, genetically gifted models on our screens that appear to be happy and desired, and this makes us want to be just like them. We are never really told growing up that those women have genetics that predisposition them to being thin. We also don't realize that a model's job is to be beautiful, so they must work with personal trainers and other professionals to stay in shape and be thin. These are nearly impossible expectations to live up to as a non-model or non-actress. I don't know about you, but I don't have time for that!
So, what is the goal when it comes to eating? Well, the goal is to be what you would call a "normal eater". Normal eaters don't stress about food. They don't worry if they ate past fullness or missed a run. They have accepted their bodies. They eat for both pleasure and nourishment and savor their food. They also don't look at foods as good or bad. They may practice intuitive eating, or they were just lucky enough to never give in to diet culture so they just, well, eat.
The journey to becoming a normal or intuitive eater is different for everyone. Some may be able to do it on their own while others may need to work with a Registered Dietitian or therapist. However you get there, I hope that you get there because finding peace and freedom with food truly means a less stressful and more enjoyable life.
-Brittany
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